-image-Circumcised

 A
teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the
class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and
not paying
attention. She went back to find out what was
going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that
he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite
itchy. 

The
teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he
should do about it. He did it and returned to his
class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of
the room She went back to investigate only to find him
sitting at his desk with his penis hanging
out. 

‘I
thought I told you to call your mom!’ she said. ‘I
did,’ he said, ‘And she told me that if I could stick
it out till noon, she’d come and pick me up from
school.’ 

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image- MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE

 MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE. OTHERS SEVERELY INJURED

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women is
hitting from the ladies’ tee. The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet.

Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten
feet, and finally hacks it another five feet

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, “I guess
all those f*#king lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.”

One of the men immediately responds, “Well, there you have it, you should
have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never had a chance to duck .

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:  
MOUNT & DO. 
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-Free Willy

Free Willy…

I’ve got this girlfriend who’s always lecturing me about nature and the environment.  She was on a rant one afternoon about how cruel it is to remove killer whales from the wild.  I blurted “You wouldn’t think so if you were a seal.”  I knew I was in deep shit and tried to laugh it off with a naturist joke; “A nude man at the beach sheltered his dick from the sun with his hat.  A woman snickers “If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat.”  He raised one eyebrow and replied, “If you weren’t so ugly my hat would lift itself.”  She looked at me stone-faced and said “The dorsal fin of male Orca whales droop in captivity.”  I asked “Are you saying that male killer whales can’t get it up because they’re melancholy?”  She replied “If you’d seen the movie “Free Willy” you’d understand.”  I tried another attempt at humor to defuse the conversation. “I’m a professional escort.  I’ve freed more “willies” than ORCAS (Oceanic Rescue and Cetacean Action Society).”  She wasn’t at all amused.  She said “You should be more serious about the plight of Orcas in captivity.”  Now I was exasperated.  “What makes you sure Orcas aren’t living it up at Sea World?”  She replied “Orcas have their own language.”  I said “Oh, you talk to killer whales?”  She said “They have large brains and can communicate with clicks and whistles.”  Then she said with an impish smile “Orcas have enormous dicks.”  I apologize to all you guys for what I said to my infuriating girlfriend next; “Paleeese!  Every man I known with a big dick and a small brain communicates that he’s horny and happy with clicks and whistles.  What’s different about male Orcas?”  She said “Their normally erect dorsal fins wouldn’t flop over if they were happy.”  I looked at her quizzically and asked “When’s the last time you got laid?”  “Why is that important?” she asked.  “Gawd, an erect appendage that goes flaccid usually means a man is happy and satisfied.  The Orca in the news spawned 13 offspring.  Take it from me, he’s happy!”  She gazed pensively for awhile, then smiled and said “The largest dick on record belonged to an Orca.  It was over 8 ft. long.”  I was stunned.  “That’s more than large, that’s gigantic!”  She giggled “Yeah, I bet female Orcas are happy.”  That was something we could agree on.  We were like two hot and horny zoologists after that.  “So, which has the bigger dick, an elephant or a giraffe?”  Oh, but we didn’t stop there.  After several more glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon we were comparing the dicks of pygmy mice to bumblebee bats and laughing hysterically.  Girl talk is so much fun! 

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-27 things to do in an elevator

1) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, “Did you feel that?”

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again!”

15) Swat at flies that don’t exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, “Group Hug!” and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “Your one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, “I have new socks on”.

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is MY personal space!”

27) Bring a plastic blow up doll and pretend it is your wife/girlfriend and say “Don’t yell at me woman!” and throw her into the wall.

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

“Bottle of Wine”

(Women will LOVE this one!)

A woman, and a man, are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one.. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, ‘So, you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.’

Flattered, the man replies, ‘Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you’re still at fault…women shouldn’t be allowed to drive.’

The woman continues, ‘And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.’ She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, ‘Aren’t you having any?’

The woman replies, ‘No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…’

Natasha

www.phillyady.com

What is Celibacy?
 
  Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
 circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife,
 Ann, listened to
 the instructor declare, ‘It is essential that husbands
 and wives know the
 things that are important to each other..”
 
He then addressed the men,
 ’Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite
 flower?’
 
Walter leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and
 whispered,
 
‘Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?’
 
And thus began Walter’s life of celibacy………

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

Union Rules & Hookers—- 

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a conventionin  Las Vegas  and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house? “ “No,” she replied, “I’m sorry it isn’t.” 

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off downthe street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. 
His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, “Why yes sir, this is a union house.  We observe all union rules.” The man asked, “And if I pay you $100,what cut do the girls get?” 

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room,
 And pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. 

“I’d like her,” he said. 

“I’m sure you would, sir,” said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, “but Evelyn here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she’s next.” 

    

-image-NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance , one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-18 to Enter

I told you concupiscent chaps about my plans to incorporate 3-D snaps of my beckoning box, boobs and butt in a tongue-in-cheek…mumble…broadcast…mumble…  Please take your tongue out of my mouth.  While I do enthusiastically provide a passionate girlfriend experience, “tongue-in-cheek” was not a come-on.  I want to talk more about my plans to incorporate 3-D snapshots on my Web site.  I’ll put your eager for beaver tongue to good use later. 

Bantering about my twat in 3-D spawned…  Huh?  What put you in the mood for skinny-dipping?  Ooh!  You want to fuck me upstream.  You are a studly and seductive sturgeon but I wasn’t spouting about spawning upstream.  Hmmm…  I confess that I would like to nibble on your hard-body lure.  Just wriggle it in front of my mouth and I’ll bite (giggle).  

Now, where was I?  Oh, yeah, I was saying that I have an idea for uniting us together in 3-D.  Doesn’t uniting with me sound like sexy fun?  

Send me your wittiest whims on watching me stripped in 3-D.  I’ll judge the entries and send the winner a free pair of quality 3-D glasses and an autographed 3-D picture of moi.  Anyone 18 years or older may enter.  Get it?  You must to be 18 to enter (giggle). I will receive and judge entries from January 1 to January 31, 2010.  It will be wet fun for me.  I hope you’ll play along.

Natasha

wwwphillylady.com