-image-A body like New Jersey

A girl says to her date, “You’re in for a real treat.  I’ve been told that I have a body like New Jersey.”
 
So, her date grabs her waist and asks, “What’s this?”
 
She replies “Middlesex.”
 
He grabs her butt and asks, “what’s this?”
 
She replies, “Freehold.”
 
Then he grabs her breast and asks, “what’s this?”
 
She replies, “Point Pleasant.”
 
Finally, he reaches between her thighs and says,
“I guess this is Cherry Hill?”
 
“No”, she replies, “That’s Eatontown.”
 
The guy gets so excited that he pulls down his pants and says,
“Welcome to Long Branch!”Gotta love New Jersey!

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-”…Revel in pleasure…”

…Revel in pleasure while your life endures
And deck your head with myrrh. Be richly clad
In white and perfumed linen; like the gods
Anointed be; and never weary grow
In eager quest of what your heart desires -
Do as it prompts you…
 
– Lay of the Harpist
 
Oh my God!  I read the preceding passage in a historical account of sexuality in ancient Egypt.  It leads me to presume two things: (1) that Cleopatra, the once noble nymph of the Nile, was as promiscuous as this present-day party girl, and (2) that the fox with the august asp screwed a harpist.  Screwing the harpist is no big deal; I’m a floozy who has frolicked with more musicians than you’ll find in the prestigious Philadelphia Orchestra.  I really love the French horn (giggle), but I digress…
 
Sex was such an essential part of life in ancient Egypt that even its religion was replete with yarns of adultery and incest.  The gods themselves enjoyed a good fuck.  The god, Min, was often depicted with an unapologetic hard-on.  Oh, Min, you’re such a mensch!
 
Ancient Egyptians even had sacred prostitutes.  They were highly regarded in Egyptian society because of their close association with the gods.  They painted their lips red and wore luxurious fish-net dresses.  Some went around totally nude.  Works for me (giggle).
 
I love the story of Osiris and Isis.  A jealous Set dismembered Osiris into 14 pieces.  Isis found all but one of the pieces, his penis, which had been devoured by a fish (probably a barracuda).  Isis made Osiris a new dick out of lustrous gold and serenaded the malleable metal member until Osiris sprang to life.
 
Why do I love the myth of Osiris and Isis?  Put your royal hedjet on Tutankhamun.  It’s really not that difficult…  I haven’t serenaded a single penis, but I’ve hummed hundreds, and for me they’re all made of gold.

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-”…the theory of public goods.”

Oh my God!  Unemployment is at 10.2% and there’s talk now of a new stimulus to avert a looming double-dip recession.  Tax incentives to small businesses are being bandied as a means to create jobs.  And some lawmakers have promoted legalizing marijuana to raise tax revenues.
 
The economy is clearly in serious trouble.  It’s definitely the opportune time to legalize the world’s oldest profession.  You must admit that hookers are stimulating.  And they know how to put men to work at jobs that are rewarding and satisfying.  And the only tool they need is in their pants!  Don’t you agree that a hooker should be advising Tim Geithner?
 
Nobel Prize winning economist James Buchanan helped to advance the theory of public goods.  What are public goods?  Wikipedia explains “…consumption of the good by one individual does not reduce availability of the good for consumption by others…”  Oh my God!  Is there any better example of a public good than pussy?
 
Solicitation is something of a cottage industry in public goods and there isn’t any reason for lawmakers to abandon their free market principles when it comes to prostitution. 
 
Professional providers generally have good business instincts and adapt well to changing markets in order to stay competitive.  I think they’d make it easier for lawmakers who are having trouble equating prostitution with accepted businesses like McDonalds by painting their legs gold?  That way people could eat under the golden arches (giggle).  Problem solved!

Natasha

www.phillylady.cm

-image-Global Warming

Oh my God!  Global warming is melting glaciers in the Arctic and those cuddly soft polar bears are literally drowning to death.  Could I be to blame?  I am responsible for an awful lot of heavy breathing.  Just think about all that carbon dioxide generated in my bedroom.  Oh my God!  I may have to buy carbon credits if cap-and-trade legislation is passed.  Let me get out the calculator.  If one carbon credit represents the reduction of one metric ton of carbon dioxide…hmmm…and one carbon credit costs me anywhere from 10 cents to $15…  Oh my God!  I could owe millions!  That is just unacceptable.  I will have to find a way to reduce my carbon footprint.  Maybe more oral sex would help.  I would have to breathe through my nose more.  Hmmm, could oral sex be the answer to global warming?  Problem is solved!!!

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-Go Meat..

Freudian psychoanalytic theory argues that coveting the penis from an early age can lead to feelings of inferiority in some women.  Geez Louise!  Can’t a young girl just like dick without being psychoanalyzed? 
 
I remember wondering why the Big Bad Wolf huffed and puffed to blow down the houses of the Three Little Pigs.  What was the point of all that huff’n and puff’n?  I would have dropped to my knees faster than Al Jolson and blown all three pigs.  Oh paleeze!  Even Little Bo Peep likes to suck a little pork sausage.  And I’m not talk’n about Jimmy Dean.
 
My mouth is watering just thinking about those succulent sausages.  I’d love to have a juicy sweet or hot Italian sausage in my mouth right now.
 
“When I say Hillshire, you say Farm!  Hillshire! Farm!  GO MEAT!

Natasha

phillylady.com 

-image-Make way for more toys!!

Oh my God!  This is so funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x55ZMVD5Uag  But the 50’s style spoof does make some relevant observations that are worth repeating. 
 
Let me be serious, my darlings, because I want you sweet, swing’n swashbucklers of the bedsprings to always be safe.
 
Seeing an escort should always be safe and satisfying.  That’s why you should only date consummate professionals.  A true professional will never compromise her safety or yours.  She values herself and her clients.  Her reputation with her clients is just as important to her as Disney’s reputation is to that entertainment/amusement industry.  You can depend on a true professional to be discreet, disease and drug free, but forget about Snow White (giggle).
 
Well, Eliot, like Peter, Paul and Mary crooned “A dragon lives forever but not so little boys.  Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.”  So climb down off the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and board a professional escort for a real thrill ride.

 Natasha

www.phillylady.com 

-image-HMMMM

Here is something to nibble on besides Mio!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1tXhJniSEc

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-”…until I shine like a supernova.”

Oh my God!  I just heard about the new prophetic flick…  What’s that?  No my puzzled playmate.  The movie, “2012”, has nothing to do with prophylactics.  The flick is about the apocalypse.  Geez Louise!  Stow the condom my coitus consumed companion.  This isn’t the time…  What’s that?  My revelation amounts to coitus interruptus.  Listen, my sardonic smart-aleck, the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012.  Get it?  It could mean the end…  Wait a minute!  Where did you put that condom?  Get all the condoms!  I’m going to screw from now to 2012 until I shine like a supernova.  Problem solved.

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-To our Veteran’s and current Military

To our Veteran’s and currently Military  I wish to express my sincerest gratitude for all you men and women as well as your families.  You service and sacrifices are not taken for granted nor forgotten.  Thank you for fighting for our freedoms as well as keeping us all safe.

Sincerely

Natasha

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
 
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
 
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
 
The 87 year old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day.  It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery.  As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
 
He said “Do you have any Rye bread?”
 
She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it.  Would you like some?”
 
He said, “I want 5 loaves.”
 
She said, “My goodness, 5 loaves ….  By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard”.
 
He replied, “I can’t believe it, everybody knows about this CRAP but me.”
 

Natasha

www.phillylady.com