-image-Say Hello to my little friend….

I told my girlfriend, Francesca, that I wanted to be bilingual but couldn’t decide on a second language compatible with my personality.  My smart-alecky friend blurted “I don’t think Rosetta Stone has a program for Pig Latin.”  Just for context, that remark came from a 42-year-old Italian-American princess who has been giving blow jobs to guidos in tracksuits under the boardwalk at Seaside Heights, NJ since she was fifteen. 

Having some elementary understanding of Pig Latin from my days as a parochial schoolgirl in knee high socks and a plaid skirt rolled up at the waist until it barely covered my sweet ass, I surprised her with “Ohway ymay odGay! ay atThat isway aughablelay omingcay omfray abe”Bay: igPay inway ethay ity.Cay 

She didn’t know I said “Oh my God!  That is laughable coming from “Babe: Pig in the City.”  It drove her nuts that I wouldn’t translate and that I kept teasing her in Pig Latin for everyone in the restaurant to hear.  I proclaimed in Pig Latin “ou’veYay adhay osay uchmay ockcay inway ouryay outhmay atthay I’mway urprisedsay ouyay ancay alktay ithoutway umblingmay.”  I wouldn’t tell her what I said and was enjoying that she was perturbed, when a cute guy who obviously understood that I said “You’ve had so much cock in your mouth that I’m surprised you can talk without mumbling” stopped in front of her as he was leaving, grasped his crotch, and said “aySay ellohay otay ymay ittlelay iendfray.”  He left the restaurant laughing his ass off.  She demanded “What did he say, Natasha?”   I laughed so hard that I literally pissed my pants.  I’ve never told her that he said “Say hello to my little friend.”

Natasha

www.phillylady.com

-image-Drill baby drill

Oh my God!  A blown-out underwater well is spewing approximately 200,000 gallons of crude oil a day into the Gulf of Mexico.  And the environmental and economic impact of the spill promises to eclipse the Exxon Valdez disaster.  The spill has already interrupted commercial fishing from the Mississippi River to the Florida Panhandle. 

I don’t know jack about offshore drilling; however, I must be a safer “drilling platform” than any of the fixed or floating platforms on the continental shelf.  I mean, drilling me almost always causes an intense “explosion” (now and then some natural gas); however, while I go down every chance I get, I don’t sink; my boobs are too big (giggle). 

I did some online research into offshore drilling platforms and learned that there are several types: fixed, floating, semi-submersible, jack-up, spar, tension-leg, drillships, unmanned—I don’t like those—and the tower that best describes me, “compliant.” 

Drilling me will not lower the price of gasoline, but you could conserve heat and lower the thermostat by cuddling with me, and thus reduce America’s dependence on foreign oil.  And drilling me is eco-friendly.  It can’t harm seabirds, turtles or shellfish. In fact, you’ll be drilling a “clam” with absolute safety (giggle). 

Oh, you have a “drill pipe.”  What an exciting coinkydink.  All I have to say now is “Drill baby, drill!”

Just food for thought

Enjoy the day

Natasha

www.phillylady.com